It happened again. That sickening lurch in the pit of your stomach when you realise your kindness has been twisted against you. Someone I knew, someone I thought was a friend, spun me a tale of hardship. My instinct, as it always has been, was to help. I reached into my pocket, driven by empathy and a desire to ease their burden, only to discover later it was all a carefully constructed lie. They weren’t a friend in need; they were a scammer exploiting my trust. Again.

This isn’t the first time. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I trust easily. I give freely. For me, generosity feels like a reflex, not a calculation. And while I wouldn’t trade my compassionate nature entirely, this repeated pattern has forced a profound, and frankly uncomfortable, reckoning.

Here’s the stark truth I finally grasped: I fiercely value the work I do, but I haven’t always valued the earnings that work produces.

Think about it. How many of us pour our souls into our professions? We protect our time, our energy, our creative output. We set boundaries around our working hours, negotiate fair compensation (or strive to), and take pride in the quality of what we produce. We understand the blood, sweat, and tears – literal or metaphorical – that go into earning that pound.

Yet, when that hard-earned money lands in our account, something shifts. Suddenly, the vigilance softens. The boundaries blur. Especially when faced with a sob story or a friend “in need,” that direct connection between the effort expended and the pound in hand fades. It becomes just… money. Easier to part with. Easier to give away without the same fierce protection we afford our work time.

My painful lesson is this: My earnings are the tangible embodiment of my work, my time, my skill, and my life energy. If I value my work (and I absolutely do), then I must value the fruits of that labour with equal intensity.

Valuing my earnings doesn’t mean becoming stingy or heartless. It means:

1. Recognising Their True Worth: Every pound represents a slice of my life I can’t get back – hours spent working, sacrificing, striving. It deserves respect.
2. Applying Discernment: Giving is beautiful, but mindless giving is self-sabotage. It means pausing, asking harder questions, verifying needs (where appropriate), and understanding that “No” is a complete sentence – and often an act of self-respect.
3. Protecting My Financial Well-being: Just as I wouldn’t let someone steal my work product, I can’t allow my earnings to be siphoned off through guilt, manipulation, or deceit. Protecting my assets is protecting my future security and my ability to be truly generous when it matters most.
4. Shifting from Reflex to Intention: Moving away from impulsive giving to intentional generosity. Who do I truly want to support? What causes align with my values? This is where generosity becomes powerful and sustainable, not draining and exploitable.

The Hardest Part: Trust vs. Vigilance

Learning this lesson hurts, especially when betrayal comes from someone you knew. It challenges your view of people and your own judgement. It’s natural to feel cynical. But here’s the crucial nuance: Valuing your earnings doesn’t require abandoning trust or kindness; it requires coupling them with wisdom and boundaries.

You can still be open-hearted, but now with your eyes wide open. You can still help, but on your terms, after thoughtful consideration. True compassion includes compassion for yourself and the effort it took to earn what you have.

To anyone who, like me, has ever felt the sting of exploited generosity:

Your kindness is not a weakness; it’s a strength. But let this be a reminder: Protecting what you’ve earned is not selfishness; it’s stewardship. It’s honouring the value of your own time, energy, and skill. It’s ensuring your resources are used effectively – for your own stability and for the genuine good you wish to do in the world.

Value your work. Value yourself. And yes, absolutely value every single penny you earned doing it. Guard it with the same diligence you guard your time and talent. That’s not greed; that’s finally giving your earnings the respect they deserve. Let’s learn to be generous and wise. That’s the balance that truly empowers.